Updated: Sep 28
Setting boundaries is an act of defense against those who wish to violate them. Mostly, it puts us in a state of constant vigilance, the source of which is the conviction that someone wants to influence us or put pressure on us in order to get us to do something we don't want to do.
Learning to set boundaries usually takes place on a mental level, that is, we learn how to react or what to say and we force ourselves to response to an interpersonal situation, often unprepared to do so on an emotional and energetic level (When, for example, we say "no" while feeling uncomfortable about it). This, in turn, causes internal conflict and struggle with oneself - consequently, it consumes a lot of energy and increases stress.
If you experience such situations, it would be good to take a step back and ask yourself questions: why do people cross my boundaries? Why do I succumb to the influence of others? Why do I have to defend myself?
People cross our boundaries because they feel they can. In fact, we subconsciously send a signal inviting them to "enter our territory." This becomes the basis for internal conflict - mentally we know we can't do it, but our subconsciously formed survival strategies work the other way around.
These strategies arose much earlier, when we had to adapt in order to survive, when they saved us because we were, for example, children. Perhaps someone once took away your place, someone made you small, someone planted doubts inside you.... How much do you function from the position of being who you really are and how much from the position of being who society has made you?
Crossing boundaries is an exercise for us. For us to realize that we are not using our power to the fullest, that we are not taking our place, that there are holes in our space.... and someone is showing us just that. This is a lesson that asks us to go deep within ourselves and accept our own power, because we are the ones who have taken it away from ourselves.
Who is this hidden inside human? Who would you be without your subconscious strategies? Because if you discover who you are, you will suddenly find that your boundaries are superfluous, that there is nothing you need to defend yourself against and no one who wants to violate your personal zone.
I would suggest the opposite - instead of focusing on what is around you and what you need to defend against, focus on yourself, on getting in touch with yourself, on strengthening your own integrity and identity and connecting with your own core, because it is the lack of this connection that causes you to succumb to the influence of others.